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Real World Issues: Pirates vs. Ninjas

By Ariel Rodriguez: During a recent day working the cash register at the Christmas Tree shop on route 1, I engaged in a discussion with my co-workers, and the discussion turned into a heated debate. The topic really inspired me to try and change people's opinions.

What was the topic that stirred my emotions so much you ask? Now obviously since we were at work we had nothing else to do but converse about fighting ninjas and pirates. Who would win in a fight, a ninja or a pirate? We proceeded to ask customers as they walked by who they would put their money on. Ninja was the leading vote getter by far, but Lauren, one of my co-workers, refused to cave in, which inspired me to write the following letter to her.

Due to the weightiness of this issue, I felt it important to share with the CHS community.

Dear Lauren,

We live in a country where free speech and expression of opinion is usually promoted. Although it is your right to believe a pirate would win, I must respectfully disagree with you, I honestly and whole-heartedly believe a ninja would kick a pirates' ass.

One of the points of discussion was that a pirate has one eye, therefore his hearing is "?supersonic." For that statement to hold true he would have to lose both his eyes. The fact that the pirate has one eye means he would have a warped sense of depth perception. For argument's sake let's just say his hearing was supersonic (due to the tragic eye incident). However ninjas are trained assassins. They are silent killers so the only thing the pirate would hear is the sound of defeat (whatever that sounds like).

Another main point in favor of the pirate was, because the pirate has a ship he has the advantage. The question was simply, if a ninja and a pirate were to get in a fight who would win? In that question there is no mention of a specific setting where the fight would take place. Again, for argument's sake, let's just say they are on a ship. If the ninja was able to get on the ship that just makes him look like he has superior skills, and the pirate is incompetent.

An advantage that the ninja has is that he doesn't have any emotional attachments; the pirate on the other hand has the parrot. If the ninja were to get a hold of the parrot he could use that as a bargaining chip to make the pirate surrender.

Another reason the ninja would win is more often then not pirates are drunk. In some ways that is an advantage but it's more of a disadvantage. If he's drunk the pirate has a higher pain threshold. All that means is the pirate will not feel his ass getting kicked, but his ass will still be kicked. Also his balance would be thrown off, and he might even puke (If he's a punk).

In summation, a ninja is a superior fighter and he would not let himself lose to the likes of a pirate. Again although I respect your right to choose a pirate over a ninja, I want you to realize what a foolish decision that is. It is clear to me and any other sane human being that pirates suck, and ninjas rule!

Best regards,

Ariel

Article posted to chs.chelseaschools.com: .

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• Reduce the number of miles you drive by walking, biking, carpooling or taking mass transit wherever possible -- Avoiding just 10 miles of driving every week would eliminate about 500 pounds of carbon dioxide emissions a year! Look for transit options in your area.